Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People has to be one of the most helpful books I have ever read. It taught me a skill I could not have learned otherwise. It’s one-of-a kind! Nothing else is like it. No other book has helped me feel better about firing my employees!

When the employee first enters the room, smile at them. Smiling is a sign of your humanity. “Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl, or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds.” 75. When the employee enters the office, a smile assures them everything will be okay. Nothing can go wrong when you smile at them. A smile is like an insurance policy guaranteeing your good will. A smile gives a person a reason to doubt their suspicions towards you. It forces the other to smile back. Reciprocity is the name of the game!

Sometimes, when firing an employee, I do not feel like smiling, but I nevertheless force myself to smile – for their sake. “Everybody in the world is seeking happiness and there is one sure way to find it: by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.” 73. Just as your employees repress their desires for the sake of the company, a smile during an exit interview suggests that you’re repressing your desires for the sake of the employee’s comfort. Employees have no idea how difficult it is to fire them. They’ve never been forced to do something so difficult. Their work has never called upon them to exercise such momentous courage. That was not part of their job description.

Once you’ve disarmed your employee with a smile, flatter his vanity prior to conveying the news. Recall a moment during his employment where he exemplified momentous courage. Extol his virtue – or whatever else plays to his vanity – using specific examples. Mr. Carnegie recalls a Marshal A. Granger, a certified tax accountant, that was forced to fire subordinate accountants at the conclusion of the tax season. Rather than expediting the exit interview, Mr. Granger elected to flatter his subordinates prior to termination. Mr. Granger would say: ‘Mr. Smith, you’ve done a fine job. That time we sent you to Newark, you had a tough assignment… You’ve got the stuff – you’re going a long way, where you’re working. This firm believes in you, and is rooting for you, and we don’t want you to forget it.” 228.  I relate to Mr. Granger, insofar as we both desire to avoid redoubling our subordinates’ suffering. I wish there was something more I could do to help the soon-to-be former employee feel better. I really do care about how my employees feel, their well-being is important to me. I wish there was something more I could do to help them, but their employment status is out of my control. Upper management has made a decision to reduce surplus personnel. The shareholders of this company can be so greedy!

Playing to someone’s vanity is not wrong; it should be interpreted as a courtesy to the other. “If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return – if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.” 106. We will be doomed if we cannot complement our soon-to-be former employees. An exit interview is the perfect place to show your appreciation because in that context the employee cannot reciprocate their appreciation for you. An employee during an exit interview would be way too focused on their own interests to reciprocate appreciation. Only a very choice employee could forget about themselves for just a second to reciprocate my kindness. I would almost regret firing such an employee. Perhaps they would have excelled as a manager.  

Finally, convince the employee that termination is serendipitously in his best interest. Try to provoke a conflict between the individual’s interest and the company’s. Make him see the brighter side of life. For example, imagine your subordinate has an interest in environmentalism. Before delivering the news, flatter him by asking questions about his interests. Tempt him to sweat out his delight in himself and his interest in environmentalism. Inquire whether he read that Competitor A produces X carbon tons per year. When he shakes his head with righteous indignation, mention that our company, in contrast, is implementing a new green initiative to become carbon neutral within the next decade. At this juncture, the employee should feel elated. The company that employs him (for now) values the same issues as he. He may now be inflated with a gentle pride: he is proud to sell his labor to an organization that values the environment. Now, envelop him in that pride and deliver the tragic news: in order to implement our new green initiative, the company must reduce personnel surplus and reorganize departmental resources. Inform him in a somber style that he is being terminated. At the end, reiterate the Company’s intention of reducing its carbon footprint, and that his termination furthers his interest in saving the environment. Leave him with some comments of encouragement. Reframe the termination of the employment relationship as an opportunity to lateral to another firm, or perhaps even transition to a new career altogether. Maybe her discharge is a blessing! Now she can pursue a career that she truly loves, unfettered by the desire to earn a living wage. There are incentives to work other than money. Vanity knows no limits! 

 I am very grateful for having read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Mr. Carnegie. He taught me how to make a once awkward situation more comfortable. No manager wants to be the cause of a subordinate’s financial strife or domestic tumult. Only inconsiderate managers would fire their employees with callous indifference. All managers can learn how to be empathetic by reading Friends. You never have to feel bad firing an employee ever again! Feeling guilty is a choice: you don’t actually have to feel it.